I’m about this close to putting WordPress through the nearest wall. Not major shit, but it dumps in my lap right when everyone in the household except the cats is annoying me–and give the little fuckers time, they’ll think of something.
Just because, here was my weigh-in on the first.
 01 February 2012 at 209.5 pounds I was going to do up a whole beginning-of-month thang with the weigh-in and pictures and stuff but I don’t think that, as an over-200-pound person, five and a half pounds is going to look all that different on me. I think I might do photo updates every ten or twenty pounds instead, rather than going by calendar date. More likely twenty. Also, I was way busy on the first because the other adult in the house’s tax refund came in and we’ve kind of been doing the Kid In A Candy Store routine. (He put some aside in savings and hopefully we won’t spend it all.) Which has meant going out a lot. I don’t get how people can be constantly on the go with work and school and after-school activities and a social life. I have been more or less alone* for so long that my tolerance to that level of stimulation has declined alarmingly. What you guys pass off as normal would leave me in the fetal position on my bed, either sobbing my eyes out or catatonic. Alas.
Anyway. Today’s weigh-in:
 04 February 2012 at 208 pounds I have actually been quite naughty since the surgery. Relatively speaking. (I would still put your average SAD eater or low-fat dieter to shame.) I suspect a lot of my frayed-nerves thing today is me trying to readjust to a lower-carb intake. It ain’t pretty. I even went to Noodles & Co Thursday with my daughter–and I could have gotten a salad. I really could have. But I was craving noodles in the worst way. Right down to envisioning what it would feel like to bite into them. Sorry about the visual. I regretted it immediately afterward. I got sleepy. You know all that crap that was circulating on the Internet after this last Thanksgiving where they were saying it was the carbs making people sleepy rather than the tryptophan? IT’S TRUE, YO. I’ve had this happen to me twice now that I’ve noticed, and I’m sure it’s happened way more times than that but my tiredness got blamed on something else.
And part of the trouble has, as usual, been the kitchen. I am so angry about that. I am actually fairly fucking fed up with telling the other adult in the house anything because he doesn’t listen. It’s bad enough I only have two people to talk to in my entire damn offline life, and one of them’s not even ten yet. But to have the adult blatantly not listen to stuff I have told him over and over has got me borderline homicidal and you better bet I would attempt to use the He Needed Killin defense in court. Watch your cooking temperature so the grease doesn’t spatter everywhere, asshole. Use a plate as your spoon or spatula rest, fuckstick. Don’t stack plates on top of glasses on the countertop, rectum-breath. What the FUCK is wrong with people? I’M the one who has to chisel all this shit up and our kid is the one who has to live with the mess til I get around to it.
And it’s really tough cooking anything when every dish that gets used gets given its own place on the countertop rather than it all stacked in a reasonable way (i.e., NOT plate on top of glasses–bearing a startling resemblance to the Space Needle, only lots less safe). So you start taking shortcuts for meals and next thing you know you’re backsliding.
I’m glad wheat and sugar make me feel like shit. I still occasionally indulge the wheat, but I have to be SO good about both now because they are self-correcting. I have that going for me, at least.
Oh, and because someone on my Facebook page wasn’t sure: I’m off all the meds now. Done with the antibiotic, done with the painkillers and I have much less numbness in my tongue now. We’re playing fuck-me games with me getting my followup appointment, but my surgeon does a lot of cancer surgeries and so I don’t begrudge him. One of these days I’ll get in and that’s all I care about. It’s just followup anyway. No big.
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*Technically I am not alone but when the people you see have been the same two people every day for six or seven years and you’ve been going to a homeschool gym class with your daughter for about four or five months and only NOW has anyone bothered starting a conversation with you (and you’ve tried starting them instead and it’s been pretty much fruitless in terms of interaction away from the class), it feels pretty isolating.
I just got a trackback from Lew Rockwell in the past day or so. BWAH. Wait’ll he gets a load of me.
In other news: Ho-hum.
 28 January 2012 at 207.5 pounds I’m recovering OK from the surgery earlier this month. Couple nights ago I noticed a shift in sensation on the tip of my tongue, and suddenly I can feel more and it’s gotten a bit easier to talk. I can talk anyway, and the differences are subtle enough that a stranger wouldn’t notice I was having issues (I sound like a bit of a mushmouth anyway thanks to my longstanding speech and orthodontic problems), but I definitely noticed. So, yay for that.
But I’ve only been off the antibiotic a few days and by the end of my dosing period, my insides were beginning to behave as if I were eating gluten. Which I haven’t been. Even with my illicit sour-candy eating and so on, I’ve still been staying away from the wheat. I guess the bugs in my innards are just mad at me, and it’ll take some time to fix.
Well, so the other day the other adult in the household was headed to Kroger and asked me if I needed anything. Yogurt, I said to him, thinking he’d come home with my usual Greek Gods full-fat plain.
…I looked in the fridge after he got back and it was Kroger’s organic label. LOW-FAT.
…
Is it too much to ask that when I have been preaching for months–nay, years by now–about the virtues of full-fat over low-fat dairy, and when this asshole has seen me selecting full-fat plain Greek yogurt, that he not get me a type that is thickened with starch? Seriously. Next time you’re at Kroger, if it’s in your area, go to the health-nut section and look at their store-brand organic yogurt. Oh, it’s organic starch. I don’t care! It’s useless crap! There’s no starch in milk, people!
I ate it anyway–am still working on it, in fact–because I need the bugs. I just hope I’m actually getting some and they’ll do me some good. Holy crap. I’m not happy about that. I’m not exactly raging either, but we have had longstanding issues around here with him not doing what I ask and paying more attention to frivolous shit where I am concerned than with helping me get my actual needs met. The one area in which he excels is making sure I have insurance coverage, and the insurance company is doing all the actual work and he should have had me insured eight years ago. Now I’m having to play catchup. Thanks.
Yeah, I’m ranting after all. Just… If you yourself are not low-carbing, but your significant other is (we’re not actually significant others, but in a lot of ways that’s how the relationship is shaped) and you know they have a family history of diabetes? Don’t be a stumbling block and don’t be an enabler of bad habits. Just don’t do it. It’s just the same, ethically, as if you’d hauled off and punched them in the nose. This idiot is going to wind up having to settle for visitation because I don’t see how this situation is sustainable long-term. I am getting better at sticking up for myself and holding myself accountable, but I don’t need to be tripped up in the process.
OK, enough of that. In other news, I’m debating whether I want to maintain a pictorial record of my progress once a month, or once a quarter, or what. What do you think? I’m coming due for another picture set soon. I hate doing these things. I have more thoughts about that but I think I’ll put them in another post.
Nothing like a crappy appetite due to a lack of crapping to keep one on the straight and narrow.
 21 January 2012 at 207.5 pounds Well, honestly, I haven’t been on the straight and narrow with the carbs. I was straighter and narrower than someone on the Standard American Industrial Diet, but I was trying to use sour candies to keep my saliva gland going (turned out the candy wasn’t sour enough) and didn’t want to mess myself up with maltitol. It’s a toss-up really. They were sour gummies and had a good bit of gelatin in them and I think that’s why their carb count wasn’t through the roof.
On the other paw I’ve been pretty good about wheat avoidance. I won’t pretend I have been perfect about it because I’ve eaten at restaurants a couple times and you and I both know they love nothing better than to cut all that good food with wheat and soybeans. Yuck. But I avoid wheat enough. If I know it’s wheat, I don’t eat it. Amazing how my insides are so much calmer without it, and that wasn’t all the Percocet putting my GI tract to sleep. I was seeing benefits from wheat-avoidance before the surgery–which happened 11 days into the month, just as a point of reference.
Years ago I had tried the blood type diet for type Os, which still lets you eat grain* but not wheat. Just from that I think I lost about ten pounds or so. No serious reduction in carbs–in fact I never saw an amaranth pancake I didn’t like, during that time. Dr. Davis is on to something, whether people want to admit it or not.
Still. Slowly but surely. I’m kind of tired of slowly. Surely. But we’re getting there, in both a healing and a weight-loss sense. I still have numb spots on my tongue, and the Perc every six hours wasn’t so hot so I’m back to every four, but I function, which is good. I could use more energy, but one goal at a time.
Isn’t that always the way, though?
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*Let me get a few details straight here because, unlike most people who talk shit about Peter D’Adamo, I have actually read some of his books. I think trying to follow his protocol 100 percent will give you a raging case of OCD, and his protocols become more detailed and more OCD-ish the more recently they have been published. That said:
- Type As are NOT required to be vegetarian. D’Adamo says they are BEST SUITED to being vegetarians. Crucial difference there. Type As function fine on chicken and fish, according to him. No, you don’t get to call yourself a vegetarian if you eat chicken or fish, unless you are one delusional motherfucker. Thanks for playing, drive on through.
- Type Os are NOT required to follow a low-carb diet. Type Os do NOT have to follow a Paleo diet. Type Os ARE allowed to eat grain or grainlike foods. They just can’t have wheat and a few other of the common grain foods most people eat now.
It is OK to disagree with the guy on scientific grounds, assuming you have better grounds than invoking “everybody knows” arguments or pointing out his lack of an MD. But holy shit, quit making shit up. I don’t know about your local public library system, but mine carries quite a few of his titles. It costs you nothing to look for yourself.
From this point on I think I’ll be doing this weekly, every Saturday like I was doing in the previous incarnation of this blog. Here’s today’s weigh-in.
 07 January 2012 at 210 pounds Food record for the day:
Also, it’s interesting that I seem to be sleeping better. I’m not surprised but it’s still interesting. I have yet to get blackout shades for my bedroom and there’s still too much light coming in the one window. I had put aluminum foil over the other one thanks to the neighbors doing rehabbing on their second floor and not turning off the lamp at night. They’re done now but I’ve left it up. We never open that blind anyway. But the other one still lets in light from the street. Despite that, I have much less trouble falling asleep and several bothersome symptoms I had been suffering at night seem to have disappeared.
Yesterday I think I hit upon something else that might help. I got unusually sleepy and wondered what the heck was up, then remembered I’d gone for a walk with my daughter. So when I get around to adopting a regular exercise schedule I think that’ll be another nail in the coffin of my insomnia.
Could explain why my headaches seem to be improving, too. I’ve woken up several mornings in the past week afraid that a migraine was brewing, but after I got up and moved around and had some coffee, I was fine. Very NOT like my experiences in the past couple months or so.
Hey, I’ll take it. Not 250 anymore, better sleep, and fewer headaches. Low-carb is SO unhealthy. 
I haven’t been peeing as often lately (OH LIKE YOU WANTED TO KNOW), so I’m guessing this signals the end of my easy water-weight loss.
 06 January 2012 at 210.5 pounds That’s OK. It’s not 250. For now, I’ll take it.
And real quick, ’cause I got unpleasantness to contend with in a minute, here’s the link for today’s noms.
Hokay. Some of you probably have a notion what the following bullshit is about because you had front-row seats when it began blowing up. Some of you have no clue and I’m gonna be intentionally vague and keep it that way, because until yesterday this person and I were still okay and I kind of half hope they’ve just temporarily out of their goddamn mind and will be back in five minutes. I have taken measures in the meantime to avoid any further drama, which I will be happy to reverse when said individual gets over themselves.
I am not, however, counting on that happening. I wish I felt better about the chances, but there it is.
Look. I want to save the whole goddamn world. I get it. I do. I would LOVE for things to be working out a lot differently for humanity than they are. But I recognize I can’t fix everyone. I have understood that for quite a few years now. I think coming to that understanding was part of what has enabled me to regain so much of my sanity that was lost over the past dozen years or so. But I do get the drive to help people, and I TOTALLY understand the frustration that comes with realizing that other people aren’t seeing the trends you’re seeing in time to help themselves.
But a look at my disclaimer* is instructive. Especially this part:
I am not your mommy, your daddy, Aunt Flo, Uncle Jeebus, your granny, the press, the military, the government, organized religion, the Secretary-General of the U.N., the tinfoil hat aliens come to stick a probe up your butt, God, Satan, the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, nor Robert Atkins, MD come back from the dead to whup ass all over the PCRM for lying about how he died.
And you know what? YOU AREN’T EITHER.
Some of the biggest motherfucking problems in this world were started by people who thought they fell into one of the above listed categories. Who got a huge fucking messiah complex and a mission to trot out and SAVE THE POOR DELUDED MASSES FROM THEMSELVES.
We don’t NEED any more of the messiah shit. Last I knew there was ONE Messiah, and if he wants to come back (if he ever existed–I could debate that point, except I won’t) and save us all from something-or-other, I am perfectly fine with that. But I’m pretty sure he isn’t any of you. Or Obama. Or, y’know, whoever.
So you can get the fuck over yourself if you are on that trip that the stupid deluded masses will never be able to make themselves perfect without YOUR help. You’d be surprised how much intelligence, motivation, and ingenuity reside, for example, among the obese population. And if people like you would quit YELLING at them, they might catch themselves enough breathing room to want to amaze you.
I mean… some of them LIKE being yelled at, ’cause they’ve got a ragin’ case of Stockholm Syndrome and 20+ years of I-hate-teh-fattiez messages from society branded into their brains. But that’s not all of them, and even if it was, some of them seem capable of working around that. So why don’t ya shaddup and give them some breathing room. I guarantee you will still be able to reach people.
Or–since you’ve seen fit to silence me today when I WAS AGREEING WITH YOU–you can continue being a loudmouthed blowhard asshole with a messianic complex who preaches to the choir in his very own echo chamber. Your choice.
Tangentially, but not all that unrelatedly, I understand I’m a difficult person to know. I have an abrasive personality, I’m prickly, and I have a penchant for drama. As I also state in my disclaimer area, I didn’t name this blog what I did for nothing.
I’m thinking I probably should hand out an instruction manual to people who have to interact with me. It would explain my general behavioral tendencies and what I really mean by stuff, and this would save people a lot of time and aggravation trying to figure out where I am coming from. But a couple things I will point out now:
One, I tend to download straight from brain to mouth via keyboard if I hit upon a topic that happens to be an obsession of mine. It is just me sharing what I know and what I think of the subject. I am not trying to show off, show my butt, or show you up. I am JUST TALKING. This is small talk to me. It is what it is. I never was happy discussing the weather (well, unless it’s doing something weird or annoying), sports, or reality TV. I’m a nerd. This is what my particular brand of nerd DOES. Got that? OK.
Two, therefore, if I comment something on a post of yours that disagrees with you, but you know I agree with you generally on the larger issues, I am probably only trying to present a different perspective on the issue, or at least my own, at any rate. I’m NOT trying to harsh your messianic mellow. Promise.
Well, OK, actually, as I said up there somewhere, I’ve got no use for messiahs unless you’re the genuine article. But in the general sense of you trying to help people, I don’t want to get in the way of that.
But one of the problems with messianic types is you elevate yourself above the people you’re trying to help and they start feeling, after a while, as if you’re not really listening to them. See, one of the things about helping people is that they’ve got to feel like you actually care about them, or the help won’t do much good. Even a lot of what succeeds about modern allopathic medicine is simply the patient feeling that the doctor WANTS to help them. Classic placebo effect. Works miracles, sometimes.
And I need to work on this just as much as anyone else, sometimes. I get excited about something and I start running my mouth and I forget to LISTEN. But that’s why I can say all this. I see that it’s a problem in the first place.
So yeah. I’m not trying to ruin your life. It’s more like I’m trying to add to it. And if that doesn’t make any sense, well, I didn’t need your fucking drama anyway. (I make plenty of my own.)
Either way, I’m good. Hopefully you are too. One way or the other.
OK, that’s all I need to say about that. No need for drama games about it, I don’t wanna hear that someone’s pissed you off too (if you know who this was, or you guessed). Because God knows this person is probably smack-talking about me right now too. We both suck. I empathize with anyone who has to put up with either of us. Let’s move on.
Got that? OK.
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*I failed to link to the disclaimer on purpose. Do me a favor? If you can’t find it, would you let me know? I’m still working on the blog redesign in fits and starts. I need to know how easy it is to get around and find things here. Thanks!
Had a spot of rotten luck with the scale today. Didn’t catch the number in time.
 Oh noes!!! Scale misfire! When I don’t catch the number in time and immediately re-weigh, it goes up about half a pound higher. Quirk of the scale.
 05 January 2012 at 210 pounds So it counts as 210 because I can’t prove it was 209.5. Although, actually, this is why Teh Wait-Loss GooRoos say not to weigh every day, because you get ups and downs like this. I think I’m also due for a visit from Aunt Flo, which isn’t helping matters. (I expect a rather large loss after the bitch goes home, though.)
I’m not done tracking for the day but this page (to which I am about to link) is dynamic and will update as I add things in.
Got shit to do today and don’t want to find myself too distracted later to post all this stuff on time.
Whoa.
 04 January 2012 at 206.5 pounds (!) Unless I had an odd dip in my weight back then, this is the least I have weighed since early 2005 when I went in for my six-week postpartum checkup after my daughter Althea was born. I remember having been elated at getting back to 180 in the hospital after her birth and then dismayed at the postpartum when it was apparent I had gained thirty pounds in six weeks. Oddly enough, or maybe due to my Medicaid coverage, the good old OB/GYN department at St. Ann’s did not remark upon that five-pounds-a-week weight gain at all.
I was nursing exclusively, mind you*.
Patch em up and ship em out. Long as they don’t bleed out on the floor. Yay Medicaid**.
Anyway. Bad tracking again today. I also sampled a couple of the cookies I baked for my daughter. They weren’t half-bad for what they were; the sweetener used in the recipe amounted to about half a teaspoon of maple syrup per cookie. My carb count for the day still wasn’t wonderful, but it’s better than it had been.
I’m writing this kind of early tonight because I really need to get off my large tushie and take inventory of what food we’ve got around the house. Menu-planning. If I ever get it done. I’m starting to wonder. Been talking about that shit for two years now.
Oh, speaking of which. In case some of you didn’t get the memo? I have a potty mouth. I noticed people jumping ship on my Facebook page today and it was after I’d slung a few F-bombs or similar. Do any of you ever pay attention when you Like a FB page? You should probably start. I’ve lost too many important things in my life because I bent over and let other people have their way. I think I will be hanging on to my own damn language. Thanks for understanding. If you do.
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*Never let anyone tell you that nursing helps you lose weight. I’m sure it’s true of some women, but it is decisively NOT true for others–and no one’s going to test you ahead of time to see which kind you are. If there were such a test. Which there is not. They can’t work out the science on the body of a twenty-year-old white male, so they have no clue about it yet. Medicine is changing in this regard, mind you, but too slowly in my opinion.
Tangentially, I had a weird inflammatory episode while pregnant, early on. All my joints were inflamed and my knees swelled up like inner tubes. Lots of inflammatory markers in my blood tests; negative for RA and lupus. Based on my weight gain later, I’m suspicious Hashimoto’s might have played a role. Guess what test no doctor I’ve seen, Medicaid- or private-insured, has ever taken the initiative to run. If you guessed “thyroid antibodies,” you would be absolutely correct. I haven’t had the spine yet to yell at the doc to RUN THE FUCKING TEST ANYWAY BECAUSE WHO IS THE FUCKING BOSS HERE. Sigh.
**It must seem singular to some of you that after I was dumb and useless enough to be on Medicaid back then, I would be articulate enough now to express my grievances with that system–much less run a blog. I know we all want to believe that people worse off than ourselves are all a bunch of dumb sheep just waiting to be taken to the slaughter, but I’m afraid reality is a bit more complicated than that.
One more gone.
 03 January 2012 at 210 pounds This is pretty much where I was late last year before I shit all over myself, metaphorically speaking.
Tracking was not so great today.
I was running late on eating and then Matt made dinner. He offered to keep track of what he put into the soup but it’s more than that, you have to also know how many servings and how much a serving is and stuff like that. So, no tracking for dinner. But I had almost half my calories in by the time dinner came around. I had most of two servings of this cheese, bacon, and broccoli soup. It had ricotta in it and that Mexican cheese blend that Kroger carries for use in tacos and such. Pretty righteous. I also had a couple packets Emergen-C with a couple packets Splenda in a big-ass glass of water because I was craving something Kool-Aid-like, so I’m a bit naughty on the carbs today, but if I got over 40 or 50g the whole day I’d be very surprised.
One thing about increased water intake and dumping water weight? You have to take a HUGE pee first thing in the morning. OMFG, wow. On the other paw, my sleep seems to be improving and if I’m not going to constantly wake up during the night I guess I get fewer potty runs until morning. Long as I don’t pee the bed, it’s all good. Even if I did pee the bed, it’s got a mattress protector on it. I have a cat who has a fetish for peeing on soft things, and I keep her out of the bedroom, but they sneak around sometimes. Better safe than sorry. Didn’t figure on her little problem conferring me some greater advantage in my weight-loss adventures.
Oookay. If I’m making potty jokes, it’s time for bed. Ni ni.
I thought about writing an actual blog post today but I just started it and, JUST as soon as I started it, suddenly everyone had to come downstairs. So you just get basic stats today.
Weigh-in.
 02 January 2012 at 211 pounds I will probably revert to once-weekly weigh-ins in a week or so but for now it amuses me. Yes, doubters, that was probably water weight. We will see what happens tomorrow. I’m kinda stuffed right now. Here’s why:
Had a bad moment where I thought I’d gotten up to 2600 calories–it wouldn’t have totally bothered me but it seemed weird. Then I realized I’d accidentally listed bacon twice (that was about five slices). Fixed.
More tomorrow besides those two items hopefully. I swear, they know when I’m doing serious writing. Even when it’s not-so-serious, it seems like everybody fucking needs me right when fingers hit keys. Is this a normal writer thing or am I just lucky?
I felt like I was going all over the place and rambling too much with the blog the way it was. So for those of you who have been here before, the rest of the blog’s on mothballs in case I want to recycle something later. If I never recycle anything later, consider the older stuff from this blog deleted.
For those of you who are new, Hi. Welcome aboard.
I mean to write out something later about where I’ve been healthwise, sort of a “how I got here” (well, except I will probably never know exactly what happened to my health, as there’s too much about nutrition and metabolism that even scientists still don’t know), but this post will be longish as it is. Putting that stuff into its own post(s) will mean more excuses to write in the blog. Win-win as far as I’m concerned.
OK, let’s get started. I wanted to establish a baseline today.
1. Weight and bodyfat goals
My goal weight, tentatively, is 140 pounds at about 15% bodyfat. This is not carved in stone. I am willing to be flexible depending on what happens. But well below 200, at any rate. No higher than 150, because no way in hell could I be a reasonable 150. Also, no higher bodyfat than 15%. If I go lower and weigh in at 140, that just means more muscle and probably denser bone, both of which would be great at my age (will be thirty-eight this month).
2. Measurements
Height: 5 ft 6 in
Weight: 215 pounds
Bodyfat percentage (estimate): 45%*
Waist: 43 inches**
Hips: 47 inches
Bust (fullest part): 43 inches
Neck: 16 inches (I don’t anticipate this will change much)
Upper arms (average): 16.25 inches
Thighs (average): 26.5 inches
Calves (average): 15.75 inches
3. Photographic record
Hope you like tables. I never did figure out CSS placement to that great a degree. Sorry.
 01 January 2012, frontal view, abs relaxed |
 01 January 2012, frontal view, gut sucked in |
 01 January 2012, profile view, abs relaxed |
 01 January 2012, profile view, gut sucked in |
 01 January 2012, upper arm and shoulder |
 01 January 2012, face, frontal view |
 01 January 2012, face, profile view |
 01 January 2012, legs, frontal view |
 01 January 2012, back view |
I swear, I can tell the difference between now and thirty pounds ago just by feel, but I fail to appreciate how far I still have to go until I see pictures like these.
I have vague ideas about where I want to go with fitness goals and such, but this post is long enough already. I will do a separate post about that, probably, at some point soon.
And that’s it for now. I already took longer with this than I’d intended because the internets took a shit on me. (I just love our cable modem. It gets lost a lot.) But just because I mean to have a record of this every day, or at least as often as possible, here’s one more item:
Food tracked for 01 January 2012
Well, here goes nothing. Have fun, kids.
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*This is an estimate only, and I will explain how I calculated it in another post. Like you can’t tell I have a lot of bodyfat from my pictures. Come on now.
**I will also explain how I measure things in another post. Trying to make room here.
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